Parenting an extra stubborn kid...or two.

Lately, parenting has been a real struggle so I've decided to give blogging another try. Maybe this way I can get what I'm thinking out of my head and finally start to make sense of it all.

Lila is now 3 years old and beginning to display some of the habits Ethan started at the same age. She's stalling about everything: bedtime, nap time, eating, taking a bath, etc. She thinks everything is a negotiation and when told no she keeps pressing forward to try to get her way.

In the past, I have given her too many options and let her get away with it taking 30 minutes to get her to do what she should've done on the first try.

Today started out great. The kids and I played, did some art, played with playdoh, put together a race car track and a remote controlled skateboard. I've been working on spending at least 15 minutes out of every hour on the floor playing with them. I've noticed that when I can do that they fight less and we all yell less.

This afternoon was a different story. Ethan, who typically is not very good at taking direction was occupied in the front room. When I told Lila it was time to go to bed she immediately screamed, "5 minutes!!!" Not exactly the best way to start out nap time. I gave her 5 minutes to finish coloring but after her time was up I started putting everything away. She complied hesitantly and we headed to her room. Little did I know that it would take an hour to get her to stay in her bed.

She wandered around her room for a few minutes as I told her it was time for bed. She dawdled around picking up her babies and making a cup of tea in her kitchen. I told her again it was time for bed and that she needed to get into bed. This is where it got interesting. She started screaming, "No!" over and over again. Everything I said was met with a "No!" We spent close to an hour with me telling her, "if you don't get into bed you will lose ____." She's always up for a good challenge so she continued with the no's. Finally she gave up after some cuddles from me and a quick "I love you" with no buts she climbed into bed and went to sleep.

In the process she lost her play kitchen for a few days, her water cup because she'd told me she didn't want water and then ran out to get it. She's constantly changing her mind when she makes decisions. "I want mommy. No, I want daddy. I want mommy!" She wants things to happen on her terms, much like someone else I know named Ethan.

About halfway through getting ready for nap time I realized I was calm and firm and it felt good to be taking charge. I know I have a long way to go before I'm super mom, but today even though it took me an hour to get her to stay in bed she is going to begin to know that mom isn't going to put up with it anymore.

I think she needs the stability of knowing what the rules are and we all do better when we know what the expectations are. I'm going to try really hard to be more consistent and firm.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It's the hardest job I've ever had. When you first come home with your baby you think that first year will be the hardest of all, but then your children grow into the next phase of life and things change. Things aren't necessarily harder, but different. Just when you think you've got this parenting gig down it goes and changes on you.

So the challenge is on. My kids are going to get my full attention for at least fifteen minutes out of every hour. In that time I will get off my computer, my phone and checking things off my to do list. I will remain calm because if I'm calm they will hopefully match my calmness. I will try not to yell but to say what I need to in a quiet and firm voice. I will only give 2-3 options instead of open ended options.

Challenge accepted.

Another case of Mom Guilt

I've come down with another case of mom guilt. All of you moms know what I'm talking about. We want to do everything right and beat ourselves up when we feel like we fall short.
Lately, it's been over food. Before Ethan was born I had every intention of making organic baby food. I started out making it, but after a few times I got lazy. It's not even that it's difficult because it's not. I am just plain lazy. I still buy mostly organic baby food, but it's expensive and I can't help but feel like I should have done more. I think mostly I feel like other moms might be judging me even if they aren't. When I was a kid my mom gave me baby food that wasn't organic and I turned out okay.
Lately, I've realized that every mom has something that they feel guilt over and we tend to compare ourselves to other moms. Whether it's comparing because we know our kids are doing something faster than others, or it's comparing because we want to make sure that our kids are not behind. Logically I know that every kid grows and hits milestones at different times and the books aren't always right. I need to let my kid be and he'll do it when he's ready. I wish I could just do that.
I also feel mom guilt about going back to work. I have to do it and I know it will all be fine, but I still feel guilty and sad. I'm also jealous of those moms who get the chance to stay home full time. I should be grateful that we can afford for me to go back to work part time. Some moms have no choice.
Basically, I guess, I'm just a big complainer today. I'll get over my mom guilt or find something else to feel guilty over, but I'm glad that I recognize it. I think I'd be in denial if I didn't.
For all those moms who have to work I feel your pain and your guilt. Please don't beat yourself up about it. We all can only do our best for our kids and we should be okay with that. No one is the perfect parent, so why should we expect ourselves to be?

Parenthood

When I dreamed about becoming a mom, I didn't think it would be like it is in reality. I'm not saying that I don't like how it is. It's just much different than I envisioned. I thought that as a mom and an experienced nanny, that I would have it all together. Sure, I'd have a few battles with sleep training, sleeping through the night, getting the baby on a schedule, but no biggie.
Then I became a mom, and all of that went out of the window. Now I know that being a mom requires constant switching it up. When you think you've mastered something it crumbles or you have to start all over. Being a mom with all of these difficult aspects to overcome is completely worth it, but my bubble has been popped. I'm 4 months in and sometimes I feel like this "job" will never end...and it won't. I love my job as a mom, but it's the stuff in between that sometimes makes me wonder what I was thinking before when everything looked so easy.
I have a great little boy, who is so easy going, follows a routine/schedule and eats like a horse. I still worry constantly about whether he's getting enough to eat or whether he's sleeping too much or too little. Just when I get him to sleep I start to worry that he's not breathing. I worry that I will fall down the stairs while carrying him or that someone won't take care of him as well as I would. I know from talking to other moms that all these things are just how moms think. You never stop worrying about your kids and I'm no different. This is just the beginning of the joys of parenthood and I'm up for the rollercoaster ride, even if it means constantly worrying. He's a great kid and I wouldn't trade him for anything. (Not even a years worth of full nights of sleep ;)