Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Going back to work

This is a really hard post for me to write. I'm going back to work next week. I've found a job that is 10 minutes from home in the same city we live in. I've been lucky to find a new family to work for and they will let me bring Ethan with me when I need to. My mother-in-law will be watching Ethan during the week so I can work. I'll probably bring him one or two days out of the four I'll work. I'm lucky that the longest day I'll work will be 7 hours and the shortest 6 hours. Since it's a short drive, compared to my 30 minutes commute in the past, I'll be home more with Ethan.
The hard part is leaving him when I don't bring him to work. I know it's good for me to have time away from Ethan and I really need to go back to work. I love that I'll have the opportunity to bring him with me everyday if need be. I won't mostly because I'm hoping to keep him somewhat away from kids in the winter so he doesn't get sick. I also want him to have interaction with other kids. Right now he's startled by other kids because he hardly ever is with other kids, or at least loud kids.
Last night after finding out that I had the job (I'm 99% sure that it's a for sure thing. She's still calling my references)I lost it. I had an anxiety attack. Even this morning I felt very anxious. I hate leaving him. It's especially difficult to think that I might miss something. Since I've been with him everyday all day for the last 7 1/2 months I feel guilty and like I'm going to be missing out. I completely trust my mother-in-law and I know he'll be well taken care. I guess I'm just grieving the freedom I had while at home. I made my own schedule, left the house if I wanted to and did things like I wanted. Now, I have to answer to someone else's parenting style and schedule.
I think it's also hard to go back to work after 8 1/2 months off. Most people don't get that much paid time off. I've been one of the lucky ones.
I didn't think I'd be going back to a nanny position, but I can't find work at an office and my paid family leave would have been over at the end of October. I'm committing to this family for a year and I hope it works out.
I'll be really missing my baby, especially in the first few weeks. I feel lucky though to have found a family that will let me bring him when I want to. Fortunately, they are a Christian family as well. I think it was meant to happen like this. I'm very thankful to be starting a new job and to have the opportunity to work. We worried that I wouldn't be able to find something in time. This has truly been an answer to pray.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Cold & Flu Season

Not that anyone ever looks forward to Cold & Flu season, but we especially don't. We made it through the last one just barely with Ethan in the hospital twice, once with Brochialitis and once for a bad cold. We spent a total of 13 days in the hospital between March and May ending our stay on Mother's Day.
This year Ethan will have to get monthly Synagis shots between October and April to reduce his chances of getting RSV. I hate giving him shots so much mostly because I think it's so much for such a little body. In fact, that's why I space out his vaccination shots over a few weeks each time we go in. That's another story.
Anyways, the Synagis shots only reduces his chances by 55% so we still need to be careful. This summer we were less worried about germs because it seemed like more people were well. But, now that we're headed into the fall all the sickness is coming back.
We worry a lot about being back into the hospital and our biggest worry is the damage that can be done to Ethan's lungs if he gets a bacterial infection. Luckily, he has not had any bacterial infections. His lungs are perfect!
We went to have a weigh in on Friday and he weighed in at 18 lbs 11.5 oz. He's a big boy! He has more than doubled his birth weight which was 8 lbs 9 oz. We are still giving him enzymes to help him digest his food. He will always need the enzymes because he is pancreas insufficient meaning he can't digest his food on his own because his pancreas lacks digestive enzymes that should help him properly digest his food. Ethan's pulmonology team says that we're doing everything the right way and that we are a great example of how successful families can be if they stick to the program. We are very lucky that we found out about his Cystic Fibrosis so early so that we can help prevent damage on his lungs. Of course, we still worry about the future, but I think what gets us through the day is living day by day and moment by moment. I think this has forced me to live in the moment and enjoy Ethan for where he is and who he is.
We are doing very well. Ethan is healthy and a very happy baby. He smiles almost all the time and is very low key, just like his daddy. He loves to squeal and yell like a girl. It's funny sometimes and not so funny other times, like when we're in a restaurant.
Despite being worried about Cold and Flu season, all we can do is hope and pray that he will stay as healthy as he can, try to help prevent him from getting sick and continue doing his treatments.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Wright's Lake & Popeye

Two weeks ago we went with Ken's parents to Wright's Lake. This was the first camping trip we've taken with them in their 5th wheel for more than one night. It was a lot of fun. We played cards and walked to the lake to feed the ducks every day.

"I'm Popeye the Sailor Man..."

Recently, Ethan learned how to sit up on his own. He's getting pretty good at it. We still need to spot him somewhat, but he doesn't really need it anymore. He loves that he can reach things and see the world from a different angle.
Two days ago Ethan got his first tooth too! The second one is on it's way out too. He's been a real trooper through it all. He's not been himself lately, but it doesn't last for long. It's funny how every thing that he learns to do or every milestone he hits I keep wondering if he'll hit the next one. I couldn't imagine him rolling over 4 months ago and he did it. Ethan will be 7 months old on Saturday and I can't believe how fast it is all going. Before I know it he'll be turning 1...I have mixed feelings about that one.