Saying goodbye

I really want to make sure that everyone knows how thankful we are for your prayers and support during this time. We have felt all your prayers!
For those you who may not have heard, I had a miscarriage on Tuesday. I went back in for a second ultrasound because I didn't believe that they had calculated my due date correctly last week. I figured I would go back in and they would remeasure the baby and either change the due date or I'd just have to live with the new due date.
As soon as they started the ultrasound and I saw the baby, I knew something was wrong. I remembered from our last appointment watching the heart beating. My doctor also didn't say anything for a few minutes. The longer she took the more I kept thinking, "Miscarriage, no it can't be". She finally said, "Unfortunately, I don't see a heartbeat and the baby hasn't grown since your last appointment." The baby was measuring 7 weeks and 2 days, and it should have been 10 weeks and 2 days. Ken had stayed home for this appointment because we figured it would be the same appointment as the week before. Luckily, we live across the street from Kaiser so I had my doctor call Ken. I was still in shock once Ken arrived ten minutes later. Another doctor came in to confirm that there had been a miscarriage and the doctor talked to us about where to go from here. Evidently, miscarriage is very common (20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage). I have talked to quite a few of our friends and family who have miscarriaged once and most of them have been first pregnancies. Although, we never imagined this would happen to us we will be okay.
By early Wednesday morning the baby was gone and I could feel the difference. I felt empty and alone. For those of you who have had a miscarriage you know how I felt. Wednesday was very hard. I was still in physical pain, but emotionally was even worse. I am comforted that our baby is resting in God's arms, but I'm also jealous that I don't have our baby in my arms. I know that God has a plan and that there was a reason that this is happening to us. I don't feel like I could have done things any differently or that I caused this to happen. There just obviously was something not right with the baby. Both doctors that we met with were very optimistic that we will be able to get pregnant again very soon.
The next time we do get pregnant, we will be very cautious and probably not tell everyone right away. Unlike this pregnancy, I'm going to try hard not to talk about getting pregnant again with our friends. When the time comes again, we will share with you all.
I am determined not to let one horrible event in my life take me over. This one event does change my life for the time being, but it will not break me. Ken and I are already stronger.
I'm going to be leaving the videos from the 1st ultrasound up on my blog because I want to remember that we had those few minutes to see our baby alive. I think that we were lucky to have that and to have it on video. We thank God for those few minutes with our baby and trust that He will bless us with children in the future.