Going back to work

This is a really hard post for me to write. I'm going back to work next week. I've found a job that is 10 minutes from home in the same city we live in. I've been lucky to find a new family to work for and they will let me bring Ethan with me when I need to. My mother-in-law will be watching Ethan during the week so I can work. I'll probably bring him one or two days out of the four I'll work. I'm lucky that the longest day I'll work will be 7 hours and the shortest 6 hours. Since it's a short drive, compared to my 30 minutes commute in the past, I'll be home more with Ethan.
The hard part is leaving him when I don't bring him to work. I know it's good for me to have time away from Ethan and I really need to go back to work. I love that I'll have the opportunity to bring him with me everyday if need be. I won't mostly because I'm hoping to keep him somewhat away from kids in the winter so he doesn't get sick. I also want him to have interaction with other kids. Right now he's startled by other kids because he hardly ever is with other kids, or at least loud kids.
Last night after finding out that I had the job (I'm 99% sure that it's a for sure thing. She's still calling my references)I lost it. I had an anxiety attack. Even this morning I felt very anxious. I hate leaving him. It's especially difficult to think that I might miss something. Since I've been with him everyday all day for the last 7 1/2 months I feel guilty and like I'm going to be missing out. I completely trust my mother-in-law and I know he'll be well taken care. I guess I'm just grieving the freedom I had while at home. I made my own schedule, left the house if I wanted to and did things like I wanted. Now, I have to answer to someone else's parenting style and schedule.
I think it's also hard to go back to work after 8 1/2 months off. Most people don't get that much paid time off. I've been one of the lucky ones.
I didn't think I'd be going back to a nanny position, but I can't find work at an office and my paid family leave would have been over at the end of October. I'm committing to this family for a year and I hope it works out.
I'll be really missing my baby, especially in the first few weeks. I feel lucky though to have found a family that will let me bring him when I want to. Fortunately, they are a Christian family as well. I think it was meant to happen like this. I'm very thankful to be starting a new job and to have the opportunity to work. We worried that I wouldn't be able to find something in time. This has truly been an answer to pray.