Back in the hospital...again

Unfortunately, earlier today Ethan and I had our 2nd ambulance ride to the hospital. Ethan has had a cold for a little over a week. I thought he was getting better, but over the weekend he started coughing and by Monday it turned into hacking. He threw up a few times over the weekend, sometimes very little and once or twice big time. Gradually, he's been taking less and less formula and having fewer wet diapers. I was beginning to get worried that he was getting dehydrated and when he would go into a hacking fit his face would turn bright red and it would last for 30-45 seconds. He had a hard time eating, which is very unlike him.
Today I decided to take him in to see the pediatrician. Once we got there they checked his respirations, the pulling around his ribs, and he was at 80 respirations a minute. Normal is 40-50 for babies. They decided to give him an albuterol treatment in the office and after it was over his respirations were at 60, but still too high. The pediatrician called Ethan's pulmonologist who decided that we were going to be admitted to the hospital. As soon as the doctor left the room, I lost it. I felt so guilty for getting sick in the first place and for giving it to him. I know I've tried my best to stay healthy and to keep him from getting sick, but I felt helpless. I want to protect him from everything and it's just impossible. I've gotten very used to washing my hands a million times a day and using hand sanitizer so much that my hands are dry and peeling in some places, but it's still not enough. There are germs and viruses everywhere. How can I protect him from everything? I can't.
After getting to the hospital via the ambulance, which Ethan again slept through, we were admitted to Kaiser Roseville. They had done an x-ray in at the Rancho Cordova clinic before we left so the results were ready later this afternoon. It showed that he has something similar to what he had last time, but it's not nearly as bad. You could see on the x-ray that one of his diaphrams is a little bit collapsed from all the hacking and wheezing. They said it's a virus and they will let it run its course and treat the symptoms. For now, he is having albuterol nebulizer treatments every 4 hours, antibiotics to help get rid of more of the staph aureous he had last time and suctioning of his nose to get more of the congestion out. It amazes me that through it all he is still flirting with our nurse. He batted his long eyelashes at her a few times and gave her his killer smile. What a flirt! Then, he started cooing and saying, "Goo, goo!"
We have been told that he will be in the hospital for 2-3 days at this point. They have decided to run a test for pertussis, whooping cough, because cases have risen recently. We won't have those results for 2 days. If it is whooping cough he will be in the hospital longer to be monitored. For now, they are giving him a med to help him from spreading it to others just in case he has it. If he does have it the main concern is that he could stop breathing and that's why they would closely monitor him.
I am somewhat at peace knowing that he is at the hospital being well taken care and that Ken is there with him tonight so I can finally get a full night of sleep. I have been living in a whirlwind lately and barely sleeping at all. It's starting to catch up with me. No one can live on 30 minutes here and 2 hours there for long. It takes me 2 hours to fall asleep and by then 30 minutes later he's awake or I hear him coughing. The other night I slept on the floor for an hour beside his crib because I had been getting up so much.
I pray that he will recover quickly from this and we'll have him home soon enough with us. I really hope we'll spend my 1st Mother's Day at home, but I'll enjoy it no matter where I am as long as I have my sweet baby boy with me. Please pray for Ken & I as we ride through this rollercoaster of emotions again. Pray that God will give us the strength to keep pushing through and that we won't lose our hope and faith that God is with us and taking care of us every step of the way.
Thanks for your prayers!
Erin, Ken & Ethan