What could have been...

Sunday, October 25th would have been the due date for the baby we lost back in March. I thought that I would be sad or wish that that baby was here. Although, I do wish that pregnancy was over and that I had a baby in my arms, I have a hard time wishing for a baby that would have made it impossible for baby Ethan to be here at the same time. I feel connected to my son especially since he started kicking and moving around so much 7 weeks ago. I know that if our first pregnancy had no complications I would have loved that baby just as much at this point. I still really have the feeling that that baby was a girl, which does make it a little bittersweet. However, I just can't imagine not preparing to bring our son into the world in 3 months.
It's crazy how your heart can heal and help you move on as life throws you something else. I know God has a plan in this and that Ethan must have an important purpose in this world. I've been trying to focus on the life that God is giving us and not so much on what could have been. Maybe that is naive, but I can't live in the "what-if" world.